My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
