My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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