my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
