Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
