I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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