Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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