There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize