i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
