she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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