I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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