Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
