Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
