I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
