got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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