so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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