you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
