nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
