My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize