Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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