Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
