Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
