I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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