it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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