What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
