I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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