Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
