I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
