Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm determined to sit on that face.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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