It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
