I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
