I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
