I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
