Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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