You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
