So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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