weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
