its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
