yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
