I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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