Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
