So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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