so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
