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Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
