You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Randomize
