all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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