Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
