You can't special order awesome
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize