some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
