I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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