I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
