We won't sleep together?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
