Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
