i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize