God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need moral support for this bender
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
