I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
