the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
