do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
