worst night to have a conscience
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
