He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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