remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
