if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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