I'm so fucking centered right now
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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