Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
