I'm passing your future prison.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
