Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
