I will die if light touches me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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