I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She's the barista slut.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
