Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
