KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
