Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
