I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
