his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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