I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
