Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
