ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
