So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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