I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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