Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
