We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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