nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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