OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
