mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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