i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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