Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize