If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
