If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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