where am i from again
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
