After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
