So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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