So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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