I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize