so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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