I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize