ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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