giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
